We all know the story, Captain Jack Sparrow returns in search of something – this time it’s the Fountain of Youth. But the fourth installment in the “Pirates” franchise bears a mathematical investigation. Let’s look at what was added – Ian McShane as the legendary Blackbeard = Cool. Penelope Cruz as a Spanish pirate = Hot. Mermaids = you would think lame but result in the best action sequence in the film. Now, let’s look at the subtractions – Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley = without them the sexual tension is left to Johnny Depp and Cruz and no one wants to see the jester get the girl. The quirky/ambiguous cast = the cast attempts quirky but the questionable personalities that made the early films great is lost. Director Gore Verbinski is gone and replaced with Rob Marshall. Marshall directed the musicals “Nine” and “Chicago,” and the visual effects are well-choreographed action but the haphazard, accidental feel is gone. Perhaps the biggest subtraction is Depp’s enthusiasm = Depp’s doing a Hollywood Boulevard impersonation of Jack Sparrow. But hey, this thing made more than a billion dollars and who are we to pillage it? Eat some turkey and watch a bloated action movie.