A roundup of Myrtle Beach’s kookiest crimes

For Weekly SurgeJuly 3, 2013 

Dance, dance revolution

First of all, a dance off? Really? On June 27, North Carolina man Bryan Long was arrested and charged with second-degree assault and battery following a melee at Celebrity Square at Broadway at the Beach.

We’re not shocked that there was a scuffle at Broadway at the Beach. In fact, the only thing that would shock us is if a weekend went by where a fight didn’t break out. But this one has all the makings of a “You Got Served” or “Step-Up” sequel.

Long allegedly was involved in a dance-off and things went too far. The victim apparently tipped Long’s hat, which seems to be a sign of disrespect in the two-step world. Long told police that when he went to pick up his hat, he did a “controlled drop” on the other guy. Wrestling move? Who knows.

But whatever it is, it was enough to break the guy’s arm. From now on, maybe these two should stick to the cha-cha.

Even crooks have standards

Maybe being broke has its advantages? Around 2:30 a.m. on June 30, a man staying at the Best Western Plus on Ocean Boulevard in Myrtle Beach heard a knock on the door. Since he was in town for a bachelor party, he assumed another one of his buddies was on the other side. It wasn’t a friend, but rather a 300-pound man holding a gun and telling him to “Back the fuck up.”

Once inside, this armed assailant wanted some money. All the guy had on him was a dollar. So, he woke up his sleeping friend, who just handed over his wallet before going back to a comatose state. Inside was a bounty of riches … $6. Do the math, and that would buy the robber a McDonald’s Extra Value Meal.

But he wasn’t having it. The robber simply walked out of the room, but not before telling the two men to “have a nice day.” See, now wasn’t that considerate and befitting of our Southern hospitality?

I did what?

Unfortunately, computer viruses are a problem that we all could have to deal with at some point. But what about one that looks as though it comes from Homeland Security? Apparently, making its way across the interwebs is a virus that will completely lock your computer up.

Up on the monitor pops up a screen shot with the Department of Homeland Security’s logo, and a note informing you your computer is locked up. Why, you ask? Well, according to this, you’re in violation of computer protocol, such as copyright infringement and, oh yeah, possession of kiddie porn.

Holy shit!!!! What has happened?

But look closer. After those 10 seconds or so when you honestly question whether or not you are an actual sicko, you see that all you have to do is pay a $300 fine, and your computer gets unlocked and you don’t risk prosecution. And just as convenient, you can make the payment at your nearest Walmart or CVS Pharmacy location.

Um, OK. As if the Department of Homeland Security would give you that option!

So yes, if you find this on your computer, don’t pay a dime. Well, don’t pay a dime to Walmart. You might have to fork over a pretty penny to get someone to wipe this shit from your hard drive. That is, unless you’ve got a friend who dabbles in this sort of thing.

Pull up your pants!

Must have been quite a party. Quinte Breon Tucker was arrested on June 26 in Myrtle Beach after he was found sitting on a park bench after hours. The real mystery is why the man’s pants were pulled down. When officers asked, Tucker’s speech was very slurred and he couldn’t tell police where he lived. So, off to the drunk tank for him for public intoxication.

And we’re still left with the burning question of just why his pants were down. Your theories are?

Mother of the year? Probably not.

Myrtle Beach resident Rebecca Mae Killian was arrested this week after allegedly being found highly intoxicated on … something while she was watching her two children. Maybe it was the illicit substance she was already three sheets to the wind on, but Killian is said to have told authorities that she’d smoked crack the day before.

Dishonorable.

Matthew Paul Davis was arrested June 28 in Myrtle Beach for disorderly conduct. He was allegedly stumbling from side to side at 9th Avenue North and Ocean Boulevard and yelling at bystanders that he was going to kill them. Who is Davis’ employer? The United States Marines. So yes, he’s probably quite capable of making good on that threat.

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