Sexcetra for Aug. 8, 2013

MCTAugust 4, 2013 

New York City mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner has admitted sending inappropriate photos and texts to women online even after the exposure of that behavior forced his resignation from Congress two years ago. Sexcetera columnists Steve & Mia try to make sense of Weiner’s kinky obsession and offer advice to Weiner’s wife, Huma Abedin.

Steve: Take away his cellphone.

Mia: Nah, that’s too easy. A creep like Weiner probably has a couple of phones tucked away. And even if he didn’t, there’s always his laptop. This kind of cuckoo is hard to control. If Huma’s going to stick around, she might as well get used to it.

Steve: Maybe she can install parental controls? She came across as a little creepy at the press conference, like a Stepford Wife. Maybe she was channeling her inner Hillary Clinton, her former boss.

Mia: Hey, leave my girl Hil out of this. Here’s an idea: What if Huma gets a secret kick out of hubby’s Twitter escapades?

Steve: That would make her nearly as weird as her hot dog hubbo. My theory: She is hungry to be New York’s first lady, that’s why she defends the indefensible.

She again channels your girlfriend Hil, who was so hot for the White House she stood by her cheating, lying man. Hmmm. Abedin is defending Weiner.

Mia: You can’t blame Hil for standing by Bill. He’s hot as hell. Weiner? Not so much. Huma should take a lesson from her mentor and run for office herself instead of hanging on to her hubby’s coattails.

Steve: Please stop panting. You’re fogging up my computer screen. (OK, I admit Huma’s hotter than Tony.) Now that she’s gone from victim to partner in Weiner’s Great Adventures, public office could be in her future. Maybe something higher. Given her patience and forgiveness, she should be a saint: St. Huma, patron of electronic, hand-held lasciviousness. Has a ring to it.

Mia: Hey, we’re supposed to be helping people here.

Steve: Aren’t we? We’re exploring options people can use in their interpersonal relationships. Didn’t you once write if you lie down with dogs don’t be surprised if you get up with fleas? On the other hand, forgive and forget. It’s up to you.

As a male, I’m embarrassed by my Bad Boys betraying their loved ones, publicly humiliating them and then trotting them out like props. Weiner, Spitzer, McGreevy, Craig, Vitter – they’re all dogs, and yellow dogs at that, hiding behind mommy’s apron.

Mia: And what about the wives of these politicians? You’d think we were in the 1950s, not the 21st century.

Steve: You’re saying they ought to show more spunk when their cheating spouses unleash the baby makers? What would you do, Mia?

Mia: I’d kick him in his big ole weiner and hire a divorce lawyer.

Steve: We agree, as usual.

———

Steve is a 50-something married man who's been around the block. Mia is a younger, recently married woman with an all-together different attitude. They may not agree, but they have plenty of answers.

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