Sexcetra for Sept. 19, 2013

MCTSeptember 16, 2013 

Q: I’ve been happily married for 20 years and we have two wonderful kids.

Recently, I made an awful discovery. I was cleaning out the attic and came across an old box of my wife’s stuff from before we met. Looking through it, I discovered a diary that she had kept of an affair she was having with an older, married man.

That man is now my boss!

My wife never mentioned this, and now I am obsessed with it.

I feel guilty having looked at her diary, but I really want to ask her about it. This has affected how I feel at work. I can’t look my boss in the eye anymore. I’m losing sleep over this, too.

What can I do?

Mia: That would mess with anyone’s head. But before you step to your boss, why not talk about your discovery with a therapist or a trusted friend?

And remember, whatever it was that she had with him once upon a time no doubt helped her become the woman you loved and married.

Steve: A man who does not let sleeping dogs lie often gets bitten. Forget you ever read this diary.

Q: How much should a guy text after he goes out with a woman the first time?

When I have a good time, I text right away and sometimes several times during the week. I get pretty enthusiastic. But the women I’ve dated haven’t responded and seem to lose interest.

My friends say that I need to play hard to get – let them text first and don’t respond right away. Make them feel rejected before I reach out to them again.

I hate playing games, but just being my honest self isn’t working. Any ideas?

Steve: I think one text message saying that you had a great time and would like to get together again should be enough. If you don’t get a response, that tells you all you need to know.

Mia: Wow, Steve, people send texts all the time that disappear. Before giving up, dude definitely should send a second text or, even better, call.

Women appreciate a guy who isn’t quick to give up on them. I advise reaching out a few times before assuming the worst and moving on.

———

Steve is a 50-something married man who's been around the block. Mia is a younger, recently married woman with an all-together different attitude. They may not agree, but they have plenty of answers.

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